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Friday
Jun112010

THE TOP 10 MOVIES YOU SHOULD NEVER LEAVE ON DURING SEX

BY DANI FAITH LEONARD

writer bio

10. Hannah Montana: The Movie (unless you’re a child sex-offender)

9. The Shining

8. Rain Man (Definitely weird.  Def-def-definitely weird)

7. What’s Eating Gilbert Grape

6. Show Girls (worst sex scene ever!)

5. R. Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet

4. Passion of the Christ

3. Schindler’s List

2. Knocked Up

1. Tie // Chopped Off: The Man Who Lost His Penis (documentary featuring Lorena Bobbitt) or John Wayne Bobbitt’s Frankenpenis (film directed by Ron Jeremy, starring John Wayne Bobbitt’s “Frankenpenis”)

Runners up:

BAPS
I Know Who Killed Me (starring Lindsay Lohan)
Apocolypto
Clockwork Orange
The Hottie & The Nottie (starring Paris Hilton)

Friday
Jun042010

THE TOP 10 REASONS NY NEEDS MORE CLEAN PUBLIC BATHROOMS

BY DANI FAITH LEONARD

writer bio

Do you work in independent film?  Great, so do I.  As everyone knows, our lack of a budget translates to no trailers on set.  This absence of luxury always poses the question, “Where the hell should I pee?” 

Whether you work in the industry or not, one thing is very clear – NY absolutely needs more CLEAN public bathrooms!  I’ve lost count of the times I have pretended to be staying at a hotel or pretended to be a patron of a restaurant.  Sure, Bryant Park has an amazing attended restroom, but what about every other city park?

Here are my Top 10 reasons NY needs more clean public bathrooms:

10. It’s Not Healthy to Hold It – We’ve all been told and it’s true.  Nobody wants an infection, so the decision of whether or not to pee is not really the question at hand.  Just WHERE?

9. Nobody Ever Wipes the Seat – Didn’t your mother teach you anything?  If you sprinkle when you tinkle…

8. Commercial Toilet Paper is Like Sandpaper – I have no desire to sand my ass.

7. Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like Purchasing Anything at Starbucks – I have a caffeine addiction like most New Yorkers, but when I’ve reached four coffees a day just so I can use the restroom, there is a problem.

6. The Sink is Usually as Clean as the Toilet – You’ve seen it.  The sink that some homeless person or tourist has showered in.  I don’t know what’s worse – leaving with dirty hands or touching that faucet.

5. I’m Tired of the “Pee & Run” – I’ve used the rest room at so many NYC hotels (the Thompson, Marriot, Sheraton) that the people who work there are starting to catch on that I’m probably not a guest.  This means I have to pee and run.  My lack of business attire also suggests that I’m probably not there for a meeting or conference.  FYI – those conferences usually have an open bar.  If you are wearing business attire, it’s perfectly plausible that you can crash said open-bar conference without getting caught.

4. NYC Doesn’t Have Enough Shrubbery – Many New Yorkers long for more greenery.  It would be great for the environment and our bladders.

3. My Quads Are Over-Developed – I haven’t done so much squatting since tae-bo was popular.  Maybe Billy Blanks would be proud, but my jeans are getting tight.

2. You Can’t Fit Depends Under a Thong – Visible panty lines are fashion crime #1.  Imagine visible diaper lines?

1. I Found a Homeless Man’s Dreadlock on the Toilet Seat at the Starbucks on 23rd and 3rd – No explanation necessary.

Wednesday
Jun022010

Hollywod Uncut

BY ANDREA CIRILLO

writer bio

Back to the question of what Hollywood wants.

I did a little polling among film agents this past week, thanks to Book Expo America which brought many of them to town.  Here are some of the responses I got. (Good luck sorting through the contradictions, or finding something new or revelatory.  Or maybe that's all part of the fun!)

  • No drama.

  • No suspense. Definitely no gritty suspense.

  • No potboilers.

  • No mysteries.

  • Yes on male-oriented thrillers like Silence of the Lambs.

  • Nothing female-driven.

  • Anything that can star Bullock or Jolie.

  • Yes on male-oriented stories suitable for limited TV miniseries. 4 hours.  6 hours.  10 hours.

  • Yes on true crime, especially female-driven and emotional.

  • Anything with a great title. And a little content.

What's the take-away from this?  Follow your muse, not the trends.  And, as previously discussed, do it really well.