THE TOP 10 REASONS NY NEEDS MORE CLEAN PUBLIC BATHROOMS

BY DANI FAITH LEONARD

writer bio

Do you work in independent film?  Great, so do I.  As everyone knows, our lack of a budget translates to no trailers on set.  This absence of luxury always poses the question, “Where the hell should I pee?” 

Whether you work in the industry or not, one thing is very clear – NY absolutely needs more CLEAN public bathrooms!  I’ve lost count of the times I have pretended to be staying at a hotel or pretended to be a patron of a restaurant.  Sure, Bryant Park has an amazing attended restroom, but what about every other city park?

Here are my Top 10 reasons NY needs more clean public bathrooms:

10. It’s Not Healthy to Hold It – We’ve all been told and it’s true.  Nobody wants an infection, so the decision of whether or not to pee is not really the question at hand.  Just WHERE?

9. Nobody Ever Wipes the Seat – Didn’t your mother teach you anything?  If you sprinkle when you tinkle…

8. Commercial Toilet Paper is Like Sandpaper – I have no desire to sand my ass.

7. Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like Purchasing Anything at Starbucks – I have a caffeine addiction like most New Yorkers, but when I’ve reached four coffees a day just so I can use the restroom, there is a problem.

6. The Sink is Usually as Clean as the Toilet – You’ve seen it.  The sink that some homeless person or tourist has showered in.  I don’t know what’s worse – leaving with dirty hands or touching that faucet.

5. I’m Tired of the “Pee & Run” – I’ve used the rest room at so many NYC hotels (the Thompson, Marriot, Sheraton) that the people who work there are starting to catch on that I’m probably not a guest.  This means I have to pee and run.  My lack of business attire also suggests that I’m probably not there for a meeting or conference.  FYI – those conferences usually have an open bar.  If you are wearing business attire, it’s perfectly plausible that you can crash said open-bar conference without getting caught.

4. NYC Doesn’t Have Enough Shrubbery – Many New Yorkers long for more greenery.  It would be great for the environment and our bladders.

3. My Quads Are Over-Developed – I haven’t done so much squatting since tae-bo was popular.  Maybe Billy Blanks would be proud, but my jeans are getting tight.

2. You Can’t Fit Depends Under a Thong – Visible panty lines are fashion crime #1.  Imagine visible diaper lines?

1. I Found a Homeless Man’s Dreadlock on the Toilet Seat at the Starbucks on 23^rd and 3^rd – No explanation necessary.