HONEY, I'M HOME! // A REVIEW OF "WANDAVISION"

BY MATEO MORENO

It's been a long wait, but Phase Four of the Marvel Cinematic Universe is here! And unlike the past four phases, this one includes, and kicks off with, the television world (or streaming world, however you look at it these days). Marvel has had television series in the past (Agents of Shield, Runaways, Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage to name a few) and although each series would hint at the larger cinematic universe, none of them were officially tied to it. Now with WANDAVISION, the first of several Disney+ series planned, the TV and film universes are one world. And since the line-up to Phase Four seems to heavily rely on altered reality and the multiverse, WandaVision is the perfect launching pad.

From the very moment the first episode starts, we can see that it's unlike any other Marvel project to date. For one, it's a sitcom. Specifically, a sitcom from the 1950's. Shades of I Love Lucy hangs all over the black and white pilot which features Wanda Maximoff/Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen) and Vision (Paul Bettany) living the perfect suburban life. They have just moved into the neighborhood and to their neighbors, they are just another couple. Little do they know, Wanda can make things float and fly and Vision is actually a Cyborg. They hide their true identities in a retro sitcom way, much like Bewitched or I Dream of Jeanie. Wanda is a stay at home housewife while Vision works at a local company that does...well, no one actually seems to know what they do there. But Vision is really good at it and since he started, productivity is through the roof! Life seems good.

Yet something is off. Namely, how the hell is this happening? Anyone who's watched the Marvel films knows that Wanda and Vision are superheroes, part of The Avengers and in the giant battle to end all battles with Thanos, Vision was killed. So... how is he here? And why do neither of them seem to remember anything? No questions are answered in the first two episodes, building the series as a slow burn mystery wrapped in a retro shell. Surrounding them are several architype of characters, each building on the weirdness of the world. There's the nosy neighbor Agnes, played to perfection by Kathryn Hahn. There's Vision's boss and wife (Fred Melamed, Debra Jo Rupp) who are part of a very unsettling dinner in the first episode. Several others show up in the second episode, which has a time jump to the 60's yet no one seems to notice.

Yes, Virginia, this is a VERY different Marvel property and it works splendidly. Besides beings a new unique way to tell a superhero story, it's also a legit funny and charming sitcom with two fantastic comedic performances from Elizabeth Olsen and Paul Bettany. Their comic timing is so good you may wonder why they haven't been doing comedic roles for years. A slapstick plotline in the second episode is simply sublime yet under all the comedy is the mystery of what's going on, slowly leaking out through weirdness sprinkled through the plot and strange commercials within the show. In the comics, Wanda can manipulate time and reality, so it's not a far jump to guess that's what may be happening here. But why and who's controlling it all? Set over nine episodes (the first two are now streaming on Disney+), WANDAVISION is the perfect antidote of both the hardcore and novice Marvel fan wanting to see their favorite heroes spin in new directions. And what a direction it is.

GRADE: A

BASED ON CHARACTERS FROM THE MARVEL UNIVERSE CREATED BY Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, Roy Thomas SERIES CREATED BY Jac Schaeffer WRITTEN BY Jac Schaeffer, Gretchen Enders DIRECTED BY Matt Shakman STARRING Elizabeth Olsen, Paul Bettany, Kathryn Hahn, Tayonah Parris, Fred Melamed, Debra Jo Rupp, Emma Caulfield Ford, Asif Ali, David Lengel, Randall Park, Kat Dennings. NOW STREAMING ON DISNEY PLUS

IT'S CLOBBERING TIME // A FILM REVIEW OF "FANTASTIC FOUR"

BY MATEO MORENO

First thing first: The new reboot of Marvel's FANTASTIC FOUR is not nearly as bad as all of the articles popping up everywhere would have you think. Now, that's not to say it's a good film, or even really an enjoyable one. There are fragments of a more substantial, evenly made film sprinkled throughout. There are hints of an interesting plot. But this is most definitely a Frankenstein film, pieced together from this version and that version. You can feel the moments where it spiraled out of control, where the studio took over and started making it more generic. This past Saturday, director Josh Trank himself tweeted his displeasure of the film, saying there was a much more "interesting" film in the can a year ago. He quickly deleted it, and then 20th Century Fox, to paraphrase an iconic phrase, clobbered him. They revealed the fractured set life, rebuilding multiple sets, how the studio was unhappy, diva like behavior from the director himself, and that he was essentially fired from the film. So there is now two threads of thought: That the studio had been protecting Trank up until now and finally had enough, revealing what a screw up he apparently was. Or Trank did indeed have his vision wrestled away from him, and that there was a better film somewhere buried underneath. Or maybe there's a third train of thought: there was never a good version of this film and it was destined to be worse that laughably bad, something the last two films definitely were. It was destined to be substantially mediocre. (WARNING: SNARK AHEAD)

Miles Teller plays Reed Richards, a genius from grade school and up. When he, along with help from his buddy Ben Grimm (Jamie Bell), create an interdimensional portal, the teacher running the fare (his science teacher from grade school played by Dan Castellaneta, i.e. Homer Simpson because apparently there is only one teacher from Grade School to High School) who's running disqualifies them for resorting to "magic tricks." Perhaps he didn't see where something disappeared and then rea-frickin-ppeared before their eyes. Or maybe he's just a dick. Or a terrible science teacher. Or blind. Or all three. Disqualified they may be, but Dr. Franklin Storm (Reg E Cathey) of the Baxter Foundation witnesses it, along with his daughter Sue Storm (Kate Mara) and gives Reed a scholarship. And he gives Ben...well, nothing. Not even a participation ribbon. Oh well. At least he has his dick of a brother to go home to, who apparently is the person who first said, "It's Clobbering Time" while beating the shit out of Ben (Face. To. Palm.).

After that we go into a lot of scientific work. A LOT OF IT. In a dark building with nothing interesting to look at. In fact, we rarely leave this building for the rest of the film, except to go to a badly CGI'd world. Eventually, Reed and Sue team up with the former Baxter Foundation student, the now extremely sullen Victor Von Doom (Toby Kebbell, who gets his soon to be name when Sue says to him, "Look at Doctor Doom over here..." Uggghhhh) and her brother Johnny Storm (Michael B. Jordan) to do a little interdimensional travel - TO THE NEGATIVE ZONE. Reed brings his buddy Ben along, because he needs someone to become The Thing he trusts him and wants his oldest friend by his side. Sue Storm decides to stay behind, because she's a girl, and the boys go do what boys do best: screw stuff up. The trip goes horribly bad and Reed, Johnny, and Ben return highly affected by their trip. Victor doesn't make it back but spends the next year remembering how much he hates his old kind-of-but-not-really "friends." And since Sue is sitting at the computer when they get back, a blast hits her and affects her too. Um, okay. Now Reed can bend himself to crazy lengths (literally), Johnny can turn into a living Human Torch, Sue can become Invisible and send energy bursts, and Ben is disfigured as a living rock-man. Everyone deals with this differently, but none as bad as Reed, who gets the hell out of dodge and leaves his friends behind. Classic Reed. He’ll never learn.

We then cut to a year later or so and Sue, Johnny, and Ben are now The Invisible Woman, The Human Torch, and The Thing (though I don't think they're ever called by their monikers). They work for the government now and have been honing their skills for the past year. Victor returns from that shitty ass CGI'd world he got stuck in and is crazy psycho now (at least he's finally emitting emotions). He wants to destroy the world. So Reed returns (we find out he's been trying to find a way to rescue Ben all this time. I would have suggested to, you know, go back to the building that you left him in, but that's just me) and the four of them go after him as a team for the first time. Speaking of first time, the final act of the film is really the first time we see "Action" in this film. That's right, this is an Action film largely without any Action. You know that awesome scene in the trailer with The Thing dropping from a plane in the sky and landing down below to kick ass? Yeah that's not in the movie anymore. Actually, A LOT of things aren't in the movie anymore that once were, and you feel it. There's been reports of reshoots, rewriting, and lots of backstage drama ever since it went into production, and it's all very visible once you see the film. Early on, Marvel Comics distanced themselves from the project, discontinuing their FF comic, stopping productions on all toys, and in the recent comic book "Punisher #14" they even had a sequence where they blow up actors starring in a FF movie who looked A LOT like this cast (seriously, they did. It's hilarious. Google it)". Scenes jump wildly through various styles and what starts as a character piece quickly loses all forms of character development in favor of... nothing much. Certainly not more action. Until the very end where a third act from an entirely different, action packed, badly written and badly CGI'd Fantastic Four appears. Teller's facial hair appears and disappears from scene to scene, Mara's hair goes from different shades to different styles to obvious wigs, Ben disappears from most of the movie, Johnny has ZERO of his famous "snark" from the comics (as you can tell, I'm a fan of snark in the right moment), and there is almost zero chemistry between anyone. Doom is suddenly Magneto and Professor X (he can basically do anything except have a cool looking costume). And not a trace of anyone actually having fun.

I don't blame the actors. Well, most of them. Toby Kebbell is literally the WORST Doctor Doom choice ever. You could have cast Toby Keith and it probably would have turned out better. He has no danger to his characterization at all and is more of a mawkish dickhead than a fearsome villain. But Teller, Mara, Jordan, and Bell are all very good actors, and you can see them trying to swim as fast as their feet can paddle, but to no use. So who's to blame for the mess that now represents this reboot? Many other websites and magazines have commented on things that were cut and reshot, which starts to explain what might have happened (There's a great view of several of them HERE, courtesy of ScreenCrush). However, unless Trank is allowed to recut HIS vision of the film, we may never really know how much was on him and how much was the studio takeover. And let's be honest; he's NEVER going to be able to do that. Ah, well, at least Doom didn't turn out to be Victor Domashev, a blogger, as Toby Kebbell mentioned in an interview early on and immediately got flamed by the entirety of the Internet. And The Human Torch and The Thing do look pretty dope. Now, the only thing that remains crystal clear is this: FOX has now had three attempts to make this franchise happen, and they've failed three times. They're done. They won't be making another solo adventure or their "kind of in the works" Fantastic Four VS X-Men movie. The rights to these characters need to go back to Marvel Studios ASAP, back into hands that can lovingly make the "correct version" of the FF. Probably not in a solo movie, but perhaps in co-starring roles or cameos (Infinity War anyone?) or in a Netflix series, where they can take their time and flesh out Marvel's first family. And recast Doom. They'll probably recast everyone, but don't forget to recast Doom.

Also, recast Doom.

MATEO'S GRADE: D+

Based on the comics created by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby Written by Jeremy Slater, Simon Kinberg, & Josh Trank Directed by Josh Trank Starring: Miles Teller, Kate Mara, Michael B. Jordan, Jamie Bell, Toby Kebbell, Reg E. Cathey, Tim Blake Nelson Now Showing in Theatres Nationwide

MATEO MORENO  recently won a bet on who could hold their breath the longest underwater. He won the bet, having beat local loudmouth Jimmy "Thunderbird" Thomas with a record breaking "fourteen minutes." True, part of that time was him unconscious and the other part was him being revived, but he still counts it, and is now $20 richer. Take THAT Thunderbird! He currently lives in Brooklyn, New York.